


Present Tense

by teaandcoffeeowl



Series: Ever I was born to set it right [2]
Category: Death Note
Genre: Gen, Reincarnation, actually general twistiness, matsuda being twisty, probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-07
Updated: 2012-12-07
Packaged: 2017-11-20 12:37:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/585497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teaandcoffeeowl/pseuds/teaandcoffeeowl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He was a hero," Yagami Sayu told her son.  "He died confronting a mass-murderer."</p>
<p>"I loved him," she said.  He didn't believe her.</p>
<p>Or: Just what does Yagami Light think of the events of Later?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Present Tense

**Author's Note:**

> Semi-beta'd by Reader in the Corner.

Ever since Yagami Light was a small child, his mother had told him stories of his uncle. He was brilliant, she'd say. The smartest person I ever met. And always so kind. A pause, and she'd add, He was a hero, too. He died confronting a mass murderer. A smile. That's why I named you after him.

And Light was curious, always curious, (because he was a genius too) always asking questions. But his mother didn't know the answers, couldn't tell him what he needed to know, and it infuriated him—because why had she never found out? Why had she never asked? (He was my brother, she said, and I loved him.

Light doesn't believe her.)

And also because there is some part of him that, somehow, has always thought he should. He speaks the familiar names in time with his mother—Matsuda Touta, Aizawa Shuichi, Mogi Kanzo and last but not least Yagami Soichiro—and thinks that they were familiar before he ever heard her say them, but isn't sure.

The uncertainty drives him mad.

It's this uncertainty (as well as his curiosity and certainty that somehow he should know like the back of his hand something he just doesn't) and also his mother's urgings that drive him to the police academy, because it might hold answers for him, because he has nothing better or more interesting to do, and because frankly, he's bored.

It's there he meets Matsuda.

It's there he meets Ryuuzaki.

He'd heard rumours, of course, about another genius—brilliant, people would say. They didn't say, but he freaks the hell out of me, though he heard it anyway.

He'd heard them—and he'd ignored them. He'd heard, before, stories of genii, of people who were incredibly smart. And then he'd met them, and he'd been leagues above them, and (it was disappointing) it confirmed his superiority, and really, what else could you expect?

And when he enters Matsuda's classroom, it is Matsuda he is looking forward to meeting, because Matsuda was on the Task Force, and maybe, finally, he'd get answers to questions that he shouldn't need to ask because he should already have the answers but needs to ask anyways.

So he ignores Ryuuzaki Ru when his name is called (because of course he had noted the name, just in case), ignores the little shiver down his spine that says pay attention, and focuses on what Matsuda has to say.

And Matsuda, watching the class with a knowing eye, explains about the case.

And it's so obvious—Light feels like laughing, but keeps it under control, and wonders that others do not see what is so, so clear—

Light was not named after a detective. He was named after a mass-murderer, the greatest one in history.

He loves his name for the first time in years.

He stays after class, because he wants to confront Matsuda—he's sure, he knows it's the truth, and he wants to rub it in, to show that he knows what really happened. Ryuuzaki stays too, and Light can't help but wonder why. Probably, decides Lights, he needs some help with his homework.

Annoying.

There's a slightly awkward pause as they work out who's going to go first, and then Ryuuzaki says, "Yagami-kun may go first," and Light is filled with fury. Who is this, this, man, to give permission to Light? As if he somehow needed it?

He suppresses the fury, though, and turns to speak, because what he has to say is too important. "Kira was Yagami Light, wasn't he?" He feels a smirk cross his face and can't resist adding, "My uncle, you know."

There's an expression that crosses Matsuda's face, too quickly for Light to read it, and maybe he'd give more thought to it but he doesn't really have time, because that's when Ryuuzaki says, "That was the conclusion I came to, as well," and he can feel his head snap around in shock, because Ryuuzaki is lying, has to be—

—isn't, and he knows it as well as he knows his name, as well as he knows, Kira was Yagami Light, and has no idea how.

He wants to take the damn cookie and grind it up into oblivion.

Then Matsuda speaks. He confirms it, and tells them both not to tell anyone—as if we would, thinks Light, and can see the same expression reflected in Ryuuzaki's eyes. There's something in Matsuda's smile as he writes them notes excusing them from lateness for their next class which agrees, which says, I know you are genii but I know you better than you know yourselves.

Maybe that's why he finds himself going to Matsuda to rant about Ryuuzaki—because frankly he needs to talk to someone or he's going to burst, because Ryuuzaki is in most of his classes and they kind of hang out when they have free time and Ryuuzaki is infuriating, he makes Light want to kill him, and—

—And he's Light's equal, and Light's never felt so alive.

He doesn't see the same smile many times, though Matsuda's body language often gives the same message, but it comes out in full force when he tells his teacher that the man is the only one who understands the relationship between Light and Ryuuzaki. (He's including them both in that.)

He's not sure why he says it. Maybe it's because Ryuuzaki, always sure to induce homicidal thoughts, has that day been aggravating enough that Light has included plans for years of torture in his thoughts. Maybe he just wanted to see how Matsuda reacts.

What he gets is the smile. Nothing freaks Light out, not anymore, but if anything did it would be that.

It's just a bit less than a year later when he finds a book marked Death Note and a shinigami name Ryuk appears, and Light thinks of Kira and Matsuda and the Task Force and finally understands why, in the early days, his teacher had so often seemed to be looking around him for something.

He kills the rest of the Task Force—quick, easy, efficiently, all on the inside of a minute. He thinks about killing Matsuda at the same time, but doesn't—Matsuda and his smile will deserve more than that. Light is, somehow, sure that Matsuda won't tell anyone anything, not before Light gets to him.

He waits a few days, curious, but Matsuda doesn't treat him any differently, except that the smile is always on his face now.

Finally, he goes to Matsuda's apartment, and opens the door. Ryuk is with him, this time, and Matsuda smiles to see him. "Please come in," says Light's old teacher, and turns and heads inside.

Light follows him, closing the door behind himself. When he gets to what seems to be the kitchen, Matsuda has already polished up an apple and tosses it to Ryuk, who catches it in his mouth.

Ryuk's eyes smile at Light, and say, Apples.

Light sits down at the kitchen, and Matsuda joins him. "Light," says the man who was his teacher. "If I might give you one last piece of advice?"

Light hadn't expected this, and find that he's raising an eyebrow, but he's curious. "Please do," he says, and there's an odd light in Matsuda's eyes as he's saying it.

"Keep Ryuuzaki with you," says the man. "Friend, enemy, it doesn't matter—but alive. You want to win—he'll help you, keep you sharp enough that you won't fall for stupid tricks. Besides, you killed him last time—you know you can do it, now. This is a different challenge: can you keep him alive, still interesting you, without any evidence that it's you doing it?"

Light can't help but feel struck by this, and wishes, again, that he knew more about what Matsuda so casually refers to as last time. Ryuk tells him some things, but only doles out bits and pieces (mostly in exchange for apples), and Matsuda...is about to die. His only comfort, really, is that Ryuuzaki can't know more than he does, and almost assuredly knows less.

"Thank you," he says, and the sincerity feels odd on his tongue, because while he says many different things many different ways, he almost never means it. (Except to Ryuuzaki. But that's a different story.) Then, "For your services to Kira, I will let you choose how you die."

After all, he is Kira now, and Matsuda has served him. It will do Light no harm to give his old teacher one last gift—still, he is certain he know what Matsuda's answer will be.

He is right: Matsuda lets out a small laugh, and says, simply, "A heart attack." Light nods, and reaches for his notebook.

He is right again: Matsuda does nothing to stop him.

But there's something he sees in Matsuda's eyes as he is dying, and he's not quite certain what it is—it's annoying, but uncertainty has been Light's lifelong companion, and he's used to it at this point.

He thinks about Matsuda's final advice, and leaves the apartment building.

A week later, he gets the will. He reads it, and goes to Matsuda's apartment again—though he supposes it's his apartment now.

He opens a cupboard, and sees the apples, and laughs.


End file.
